Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize