We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
