Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
