I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
