YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
