The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm having to shit out rocks
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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