My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I will pee on everything he values.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
