dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
soo... how was my night?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
