Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
