just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
