don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
How does it feel to date your dad?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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