I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
