she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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