On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
