i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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