she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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