she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
