mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
