I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize