so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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