Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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