I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
