ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
