Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
