I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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