They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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