Ambien. No doubt about it.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
