Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
