i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize