I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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