Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
