Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Never let your siblings swipe right.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
