you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
