We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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