I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
