Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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