I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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