So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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