we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
