I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
