there was a trapeze. enough said
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize