im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
