omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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