There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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