i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
