yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
