My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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