dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
