My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
