I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
