Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
