I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
