No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
