Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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