i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
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