That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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