Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
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