I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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