You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
