I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He passed out mid-signature
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
