make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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