you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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