I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
