PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
