sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
