Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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