erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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