i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
