all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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