Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i believe in u and ur pee
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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