I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
