some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
