Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
